Jessica Gross

Posts Tagged ‘newspaper’

Subway Fail

In people watching on April 2, 2009 at 10:42 am

I never mastered the art of reading a newspaper on the train. I’ve mastered the fold — I can get the thing down to a sliver — but it’s the opening, the folding of the front page to access page two, that stumps me.

Today, as I tried to make that first fold, my arms got carried away, as if they were commanded by a different brain. I nearly punched the man seated next to me in the face. He flinched, withdrawing from my newsweapon.

“Sorry!” I squawked. He smiled; all was well.

But I was embarrassed. Real New Yorkers can read the newspaper on the subway. As I got off, I apologized again.

“No worries,” he said. “It was funny.”

“I have depth perception problems,” I said.

Depth perception problems?

Bottom line: I need to practice the first-page fold. Maybe even in front of a mirror. (And never say “depth perception problems” again.)

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What’s News?

In people watching on November 5, 2008 at 11:07 am

When I sat down on the bus this morning, the man next to me asked, “What’s in the news?”

He was joking, of course: I was carrying this.

Newspaper Moochers

In people watching on September 24, 2008 at 5:51 pm

I have an old-fashioned subscription to The New York Times, and I read it at the gym. Sometimes, as I’m tossing my just-read paper, a sweaty stranger asks for it. This morning, a chunky guy huffing away on the Stairmaster yelled out.

Stairmaster man: [unintelligible garble]!

Me: What?

Stairmaster man: [unintelligible garble]!

Me: What?

Stairmaster man (annoyed): I was asking if you could save your paper.

Me: Oh. (I place the newspaper on a bike seat and scurry away.)
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