Jessica Gross

Subway Fail

In people watching on April 2, 2009 at 10:42 am

I never mastered the art of reading a newspaper on the train. I’ve mastered the fold — I can get the thing down to a sliver — but it’s the opening, the folding of the front page to access page two, that stumps me.

Today, as I tried to make that first fold, my arms got carried away, as if they were commanded by a different brain. I nearly punched the man seated next to me in the face. He flinched, withdrawing from my newsweapon.

“Sorry!” I squawked. He smiled; all was well.

But I was embarrassed. Real New Yorkers can read the newspaper on the subway. As I got off, I apologized again.

“No worries,” he said. “It was funny.”

“I have depth perception problems,” I said.

Depth perception problems?

Bottom line: I need to practice the first-page fold. Maybe even in front of a mirror. (And never say “depth perception problems” again.)

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  1. this was a nice little read. thank you.

  2. I wish I lived in New York where interesting times like this exist. I live in a much smaller city, although the broadsheet problem still exists here also.

  3. hey! nice to run into yesterday at the bk flea. i have depth and height perception problems and whenever i mention that to someone they give me a strange look. glad you share this quirky malady as well! 😉

  4. Great to run into you (and your badass new glasses) too!

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