Jessica Gross

Apple Purity

In musings, people watching on October 9, 2008 at 10:04 pm

A guy in the elevator was eating an apple. I caught myself wincing: he wasn’t good enough for that apple.

Background: I am beyond an apple aficionado. I’m obsessed with apples — I eat at least two a day. Granny Smith are my preferred variety. The crispness, the acidic bite: is there anything purer?

So I caught myself judging this apple eater and I stepped back to analyze why. The guy was smacking his lips. His belly hung over his pants and stretched the buttons of his shirt. He brought the words “sleazy businessman” to mind. Here he was, holding this symbol of purity — ingesting it, even — and emitting sleazy rays throughout the elevator. It was incongruous!

I wondered if I’d find the same problems with other fruits. I pictured him eating grapes — no! Grapes are for children. They’re an innocent fruit, with their Gushers-like burst of fun upon biting. Pear? Sort of a violation, but not as problematic as the apple. Not so pure with its grainy texture. Orange? Yes! I could deal with him eating an orange. Something about the messiness of consumption made it okay. Raspberries, though, were out of the question.

(Note that I haven’t discussed bananas. No openings for Freudian commentary here…one step ahead of you.)

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  1. The snozberries taste like snozberries!

    By the way, I eat grapes…but I also eat like an eight-year-old so I guess I your point.

  2. Apple aficionado? More like apple snob.

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